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Ewetopia, A Land Far From Normal - Chapter 8
By Marie Ellen Pacha
Shepherd had ordered ahead for breakfast, suspecting that if Lamby continued to eat at her normal pace, he would soon need to order a crane to lift her to his pillow at night. And so Bob had sent Jack a supply of delectable fruits (Shepherd's personal favorite was mango), and Jack had prepared a sumptuous fruit salad for the group. Shepherd managed somehow to snag one piece of mango before Herman and Lamby struck.
"Enjoy your breakfast, did you Lamby?" he asked. He was amazed at the speed in which she devoured anything edible (and there appeared to be a napkin missing as well.)
She nodded up at him and smiled sweetly (I warned you about that look) as she answered, "Yes Sir, Shepherd Sir, it was MOST delicious." And she remembered her manners and said thank you to Jack and Bob, while the rest of us murmured our agreement, and wiped the remnants of her feeding frenzy off our garments.
Shepherd started completing his ballot, as did the rest of us. Lamby had been talking to most of the residents and extolling the virtues of the name Ewetopia, and it was obvious to all that her choice was already made. They all completed their ballots and turned them in, so I (the town crier) could count them and post the results later that evening.
The grownups at the table were talking about the scheduling of events for the Olympics and it was decided that as soon as a name was formally selected the announcement would be posted as well.
"I think Mumm should carry in the torch to begin the Olympics," Eddie suggested. "She'll be simply stunning, as she always is, and I will be busy getting the cows into their costumes (under her breath I heard her mumble something about hoping they did NOT gain anymore weight.)"
Everyone agreed that Mumm would be perfect, and she blushed charmingly and accepted. "I would be honored to begin the ceremonies, but EEEEEK!! I'll have to make something new to wear," and with that, she and Eddie were off to discuss wardrobe matters. The gentlemen were left to discuss the order of the games. They settled on them as follows:
Ladies shot put
10 meter belly flop
Snake race
Men's putting contest (at Prev's suggestion)
Also suggested but not developed for this Olympics were Channel Surfing; for the couch potatoes in the hamlet. Quadathalon which was to be walking, chewing gum, patting the top of your head and rubbing your tummy all at the same time. It seemed that no one wanted to clean the gum out of Lamby's fleece. 100 Meter Dash For Dinner was given up as an idea, as everyone knew they wouldn't stand a chance against Lamby.
Considering the time restraints, and that this was the first ever hamlet Olympics it was decided that would be enough. Jack and Bob would work together on the food concessions, when they were not busy competing in events.
During this discussion, Lamby and Herman had sat there quietly whispering to one another, which finally made Shepherd only a LITTLE suspicious.
He finally asked, "What are you two plotting Lamby?"
"Us, PLOTTING?" she replied, her eyes opened wide in disbelief that anyone might suspect her of anything remotely resembling mischief. "We were just discussing where to find a snake to drive in the snake race. Herman met one just past the cement pond the other day, and we would very much like to go and discuss the matter with him. May we please be excused? "
"Oh, and I shall need to know the name that won the election as SOON as it is announced, so that I can order a vehicle for the snake to drive," Lamby announced rather primly, which was quite out of character for her. "I shall probably have to order modifications so that the snake can steer it."
"Very well, if you promise to stay away from the equipment and the pond until I am there to supervise," Shepherd answered, hoping that he had covered all major areas of concern. "I shall be along soon."
With that permission Lamby and Herman dashed off in search of the snake.
Little did Shepherd suspect what type of vehicle Lamby had in mind, but as it came to pass, her choice was wise. More about that later.
Lamby and Herman found the snake sunning himself by the cement pond, and immediately began extolling the merits to driving in the snake race. Herman emphasized the fame that would accompany a win, while Lamby went on and on about the food on the training table. Everyone has their own priorities you know? Lamby was only a little disappointed to discover that the snake in question was only a garter snake and not a python, but she knew from experience that size was not everything, and at least SHE had a driver. After slathering her snake liberally with sunscreen so he did not burn, she waited impatiently for Shepherd to appear with the results of the election.
It was not easy for her to wait either, as the construction team had by now commenced work on what was to be HER room, and Sisy kept having to move her out of the workmen's way as she was full of suggestions as to how things should be arranged and questions about when they might be done.
After the twentieth or so suggestion, Sisy was eyeing his duct tape with something akin to anxiety in his eyes. It was at that moment that Shepherd arrived.
"SHEPHERD!!" Lamby bleated out at the top of her lungs. (Her excitement had rather gotten the best of her.) "What, IS it?'
"And hello to you too, Lamby," Shepherd said, while holding his ears. ‘Helping Sisy out, are you?" he knew he was teasing her but he couldn't resist. "What IS it, which you wish to know about?'
"Shepherd, Sir, PUHLEAASE, what is the name for our hamlet? I have to order a vehicle for my snake, and paint for my room, and furniture, and some presents for everyone, and, and, and the list went on and on and on..."
Shepherd watched and listened in amazement. He had thought that lambs needed to breath every few minutes or so, but Lamby was proving that theory totally wrong.
"Easy Lamby, before you faint from lack of oxygen,' he laughed, and at that she paused and took a deeeeeep breath. "The official name for our little hamlet is Ewetopia. You must have done a tremendous job of promoting that name."
"Oh wonderful, and thank you Shepherd!! Now if it is alright Herman and I must go and order some things," and before she quite saw his head nod yes, they were off.
At that Sisy sighed a VERY large sigh of relief and removed the earplugs he had deemed necessary to use after about Lamby's tenth question.
"I don't know how you do it Shepherd, that little lamb wears me down in about five minutes. I've never heard anyone talk so much, not even Eddie and Mumm when they get to together can keep up with her."
Shepherd laughed, "She is rather verbose isn't she? There is so much she is interested in, and she needs guidance, but she means well. How is everything progressing on the construction?'
"Everything is fine Shepherd, except for one unusual thing," Sisy answered with even more bemusement than Lamby had caused. "As you know, the closet appears endless once you get inside, and allows access to all kinds of place if one goes far enough, but the dimensions from the outside never change. Do you suppose this is actually some entrance to a parallel dimension?"
"I think that is entirely possible Sisy, but it certainly does allow us unlimited storage possibilities. You were able to add a room within it for Lamby's purchases?" Shepherd responded. "I will talk with her later tonight to be sure she understands the dangers of opening the room with the black hole."
"Yes Shepherd, her area of the closet is complete and her room is nearly done too. It might even keep her busy for a day or so painting it, if you really intend to let her do that herself."
"I think I shall, after all, other than painting herself in the process what harm could she do?' Shepherd said naively. "And now I had better go check on her, she has been quiet for FAR too long. Why she hasn't even asked about lunch, and it has been at least two hours." And with that he went off to find Lamby.
He didn't have to look far. She was busy scribbling on a pad of paper all the items she wanted to order from the catalog. Herman had grown bored long before and had wandered off to ask the snake his height and weight so modifications could be made on his vehicle.
"Lamby, I need to discuss some things with you," he announced when he found her.
"Yes, Sir, Shepherd SIR!" Lamby said with her most formal voice.
"I want to make sure you understand the dangers of the black hole room in the closet," he said quite seriously.
Lamby quieted and listened carefully as he explained (VERY unusual for her.) "We aren't quite sure how the black hole works; only that anything that goes inside the doorway disappears, and to date nothing that enters has ever been seen or heard from again. The original owner of the plywood palace vanished mysteriously one day, and everyone assumes that he went in to investigate. PLEASE promise me, that you will not open that door," Shepherd was more serious than Lamby had ever seen him.
"Yes Sir, I promise!" Lamby said firmly, with none of the eye batting she used when he knew she was trying to squirm past a commitment.
"Good," he answered, and under his breath, "at least I won't have to worry about THAT!"
"Here's my cell phone, if you are ready, why don't you begin ordering the items you have selected, and I think it's time I went and found a snake!" With that he was off, and Lamby made her call. Once that was completed, she went off to find Shepherd again.
"Please Shepherd, may I go to the cement pond and practice my belly flops?" Shepherd was in the middle of a discussion with Eddie about "how to handle a lamb" and gave Lamby permission. All the equipment had been removed by Sisy's crew, and it was safe for Lamby's practice. Eddie and Shepherd had never seen anyone attempt a 10 meter belly flop, and decided to follow and watch her practice.
Herman was sitting in the shallow end of the pond, keeping the garter snake slathered in sunscreen and he watched with curiosity as Lamby climbed slowly to the top of the diving platform. She paused briefly at the top and then FLUNG herself into the air. She spread her four hooves to the wind, and landed...perfectly flat in the water, before slowly sinking to the bottom of the pool.
"That had to hurt," Eddie said to Shepherd who was watching to see if Lamby's natural buoyancy would bring her to the surface. Shepherd grabbed Herman who was bobbing out to deeper water on the waves created by Lamby's plunge. Just as he handed him (carefully) to Eddie for toweling off, Lamby bobbed to the surface and said, "OWIE!" Although the word was spoken emphatically, it was also in a whisper. Shepherd suspected that the belly flop had knocked the wind out of his young charge. She slowly paddled to where they stood, and weakly asked, "How was it?"
"Your form was great, for a belly flop!" Eddie said, happy to see Lamby on top of the water again. Shepherd made a mental note NOT to enter that competition. Lamby nodded and walked quite gingerly out of the pool, where she laid down next to the garter snake.
"Not going to practice anymore?" Shepherd asked, suspecting that he knew the answer already.
"Uhh...no," Lamby said weakly, "I think I better save myself for the competition. I think I might just rest here until suppertime, if someone would be so kind as to come and fetch me then. Sylvester (her snake) and I will discuss race strategy!"
Shepherd chuckled softly with Eddie, as he promised to come and get her at the appointed time. In the meantime he still had to find a snake and vehicle for the snake race.
Note from the Town Crier:
None of us had ever had an Olympics before. And nothing is done quite the same way here as in Normal so we had some rather unique events scheduled. In our version of a snake race the snakes drive vehicles, and are trained and equipped by our residents. As you will soon see the list of residents is rather exotic. And soon I shall have a detailed list of the entries for you.
And the women's shot putting contest is not really an athletic event, but rather a test of one's drinking abilities and speed. For those not into alcoholic beverages a juice may be substituted, but the main challenge is to see who can down the most in a specified time. Men's putting on the other hand does involve the rather ordinary skills acquired on a golf course, a miniature golf course...with all the obstacles normally encountered there.
Continue to Chapter 9
This article is © copyrighted by Marie Ellen Pacha. Any use of this article, in full or in part, is strictly prohibited without written permission from Marie Ellen Pacha.
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