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Ewetopia, A Land Far From Normal - Chapter 11
By Marie Ellen Pacha
The palace was finally completed. And after one last week of preparation it was time for the Olympics. The opening ceremony was magnificent. Mumm led the contestants through the hamlet to the front of the plywood palace, which gleamed with a fresh coat of white paint. She was seated on the back of a convertible and looked stunning (as usual) in her hot pink boa, sequined evening gown and tiara.
Lamby had filled the moat with water (with Shepherd's permission), and added a final touch...a pair of dolphins which splashed playfully. A dragon from Whimsey was invited especially for the ceremony and after Mumm's opening speech swooped down and lit the Olympic flame at the top of the belfry. The resident's gasped in awe!
And then it was time for the first event, the Snake Race. The contestants were handed a map of the race track.
And with a wave of the flag by yours truly the race began as scheduled, but that's about all that went as planned, but I suppose that depends on who was planning!
Here is the commentary from the actual snake race, recorded by me (the Town Crier) for posterity.
Lamby's tank and little garter snake rumbled off and over everything in its path until it got stuck in the gully. Sylvester slithered out to survey the situation from the side, and he was squished into the mud by Jack's dune buggy. Poor Sylvester headed back to the palace on the back of a turtle. Yes it's a slower ride, but he needed something not terrible bumpy while his
scales were immobilized.
While Jack's snake was busy harvesting timber, Mumm's entry stopped to purchase most of the furniture Jack's produced (multi-talented our Jack), and I must add that it is quite handsome! They raced head to head for most of the race until nearing the end, at which time they both hit the ramp, and did huge aerial somersaults which landed them both back at the forest, where the shopping spree continued.
Shepherd's Trans Baja Racer was fairly zooming along the course. It flew over the gully and did the motor cross hills with no problem. His snake (obviously trained by Shepherd) visibly slowed when exiting the last stand of timber (the mango marsh could just be seen in the distance). It continued on however, till just shy of the finish line, and was seen reversing, and heading back to the marsh. Aerial shots show the little glutton stuffing his face with fresh mangoes, and being unable to squeeze back behind the steering wheel. Early reports showed he was pushing his vehicle back to Ewetopia. He did however have a supply of mangoes in the trunk, so he will NOT starve.
Bob's vacuum, driven by his Queensland carpet snake moved down the route quickly in a rather erratic pattern. The dirt road section did not slow him up, but he kept going back and forth across the same spot until hitting bedrock. We now have the cleanest race track in the history of the civilized world.
Sisy's slug....was making great strides in his little Renault, not the fastest by any means, but he moved at a steady pace until exiting the gully. At that time a rather large boulder rolled down on top of said vehicle and slug. A monument has been ordered.
The mongoose named Snake was mugged by a herd of rattlers while exiting the last stand of timber. He emerged slightly the worse for wear, and came limping across the finish line.
The surprise performance in our race was the little dancing snake entered by our Moo, which was driving the pink Barbie convertible. Dodging the early hazards created by Mumm's frequent shopping binges, and Jacks constructions she entered the first timber area when she was snatched up by a rather large eagle which had seen her entry form in the race, and had applied for a spot in the aerial show she was planning for the evening's events. Hoping to get an inside track with her the eagle set her little car down just in front of the finish line. The duration of trip was approximately 15 minutes.
Here is a list of the finishers.
EddieMoo wins the gold
Jack and Mumm tied for the silver. The aerials they did while hitting the ramp have been requested for showing on Ripley's Believe It or Not.
Bob's snake finally realized that the vacuum bag was full and straightened out its path to take the bronze.
Shepherd's Racer....collapsed just after pushing its vehicle across the finish line, in 4th place.
Prev's mongoose limped in and took 6th place. Perhaps an indication that mongoose should fly with it's flock and NOT slither with the snakes.
Lamby's little snake finished 7th and will require some time in a cast. The tank is in the tank wash getting the mud removed.
A tasteful monument in the shape of a large pink rock has been ordered from for Sisy's slug. May he rest in pieces...ooops peace.
For the rest of the all events run simultaneously. Contestants entered or any contests as they saw fit, and could move back and forth between competitions. Cheating was not exactly encouraged, but a certain bending of (what?) rules was allowed.
The field of contestants lined up for the women's shot put. Traditional shot put events would show the participants tossing a rather large and heavy ball as far as possible. But Mumm had made (or bent) the rules for this competition. Her competition included some rather hefty opponents. In the number one position is Svetlana from Russia, 5'11 and 190 lbs. In the number two position is Svetlana from the Ukraine, 6'1 and 215 lb. And position number three is commanded by Svetlana from Sveden, former medalist and Victoria's Not So Secret model. The dark horse was our MummsCookie of Texas who at 5'2" and 90 plus nothing lbs. was the smallest ever contestant in this event.
Mumms immediately grabbed a cute guy from the stands to distract her opponents and as soon as the competition began she grabbed a shot glass, downed it, and put the empty glass on bar. The glass was filled with juice of course, but the other contestants were still looking for their shot puts and not finding them by the time Mumm had won the event!
At the same time in the pool/cement pond Lamby was attempting what no lamb, or man for that matter has here-to-for attempted...a belly flop from the 10 meter platform. She climbed slowly to the top...(not easy in freshly polished hoofs), fluffed her freshly coiffed reverse Mohawk tie dyed fleece, smiled brightly for the audience, paused and LEAPED with hooves spread to the four corners of the earth and landed perfectly flat on the surface of the water. The loud owie she screamed was muffled by the moan of the crowds who then waited in perfect silence for her to emerge from the pool.
Finally her head peeked out, and she whispered the words..."Call my Vet", before sinking slowly to the bottom of the pool. A moment later she emerged again, giving up hope for rescue and obviously wanting her gold medal and swam slowly and gingerly to the side of the pool, where she dragged herself out. She stood there, bedraggled and proud. As the only competitor, the medal was hers.
When Prev saw the replay of the ladies' event he was heard to say, "Now I know why the stands are empty at the Olympic venues in Greece. Everyone is at the venue watching the women shot put and the belly flop contest. All I can say is that we have yet to experience the thrill of victory but have a handle on the agony of defeat. You go girls!!!!!"
This was BEFORE his competition began. Having expected a traditional putting contest he was ill prepared for the barrage of windmills, tunnels and other obstacles placed in his path. The flamingo which entered was having more luck using his head as a putter than Prev was for most of the competition. But on the last hole, the flamingo's head became stuck in the clown's mouth (Don't ask!) and Prev pulled out in front and was declared the winner!
And thus ends the commentary for the First Ever Official Ewetopian Olympics!
The rest of the evening was spent replaying the highlight films until it was time for the closing ceremonies.
Eddie's cow squeezed themselves into their costumes with only a minimum of applied pressure, and performed with the flamingos a ballet of unparalleled and unforeseen enthusiasm. Herman fell off his seat applauding and Sisy was last seen having quills removed from his head. Lamby smirked when she heard that, obviously remembering his laughter while she was being sheared.
Shepherd presented the medals to all participants, and under a canopy of fireworks presented by the belfry bats they feasted. As Shepherd had planned Lamby was exhausted, and fell asleep in his lap before the final burst of sparks had faded from the sky.
He carried her gently to her new room, followed closely by Butterscotch, Mumm, Eddie, Jack and Bob and me, who watched as he tucked her in. He rested his hand gently on her head, and then bent over and kissed her softly on the tip of her snout, which twitched gently. As he turned the light off the rest of the group followed, except for Butterscotch who circled his cushion twice before laying down with his head in Lamby's direction.
Shepherd moved to the dining room table, and pulled out the chair where his knapsack had been placed earlier.
He looked around at all of us and said, "Take care of her." Of course we nodded yes. It the first time that we could remember that our Shepherd had left our hamlet. He swiped at his eye, and commented, "Dust from the race track," and since we were all doing the same, we nodded again as the ladies hugged him goodbye, and the rest of us shook his hand and patted his shoulder.
"I'll be back," he said as he walked through the door.
It shut quietly, but Lamby must have known. Moments later we heard a clattering on the floor as only the sound of a lamb's hooves can make. We heard a soft bleating, but the door was locked from the inside and the hooves seemed to move across the floor to the balcony. Mumm went outside to see what Lamby was doing, and she could see the perpetual flame go on, just as Shepherd reached the top of the hill and paused.
Only a lamb she was and is. There were no words for her to express how she felt, but we all knew. Lamby needed a home... a place to belong, and yet she knew, perhaps more clearly than any of us, that a home is not a place, it's the people around you that you love. And though she loved all of us, there was a special bond between her and Shepherd. Neither time nor distance could break it, but she was only truly happy when he was near.
Lamby settled in then and went to sleep, and the rest of us did too. But it was a full day before she emerged from her room. Not even her favorite foods could coax her out, and her faithful little Butterscotch stayed there by her side. She seemed somehow more mature and calmer when her head poked out.
Granted her first words were, "What's for dinner?" but there was a sense of resolve in her voice. She did not mention Shepherd's absence, but insisted that a place be set for him at the table, as though he were still there. That next night before going to bed, she went to Shepherd's room and moved the pillow from his bed to hers before lying down, and I heard her pray just before I left for the night, "God bless Eddie, Mumm, Jack, Bob, Sisy and Prev, and the rest of Ewetopia, and God please bring my Shepherd home safely."
Continue to Chapter 12
This article is © copyrighted by Marie Ellen Pacha. Any use of this article, in full or in part, is strictly prohibited without written permission from Marie Ellen Pacha.
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